it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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