all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
