I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Drake has all the answers
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
