I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
