And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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