Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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