left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
not ubering you a puppy
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
