We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
