She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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