when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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