1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
