we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize