garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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