This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
