so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
