the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
