I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
