would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
