It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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