my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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