Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
