Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She bit a glass in half.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
