why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize