We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
