Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
