Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
