my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Randomize