My liver just broke up with me...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize