I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
