So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
