Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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