then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
