we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
