Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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