So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
