just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
