dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
