My friends, they love my intelligence
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize