you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am naked and annoyed.
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