Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
