He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am midnight drunk by noon
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
