I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
