saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
