I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
