Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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