Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
