I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
