New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
