it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
