it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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