She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
