you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
