I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
