i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize