I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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