the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize