Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
