In the future we'll all be gay
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
