he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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