It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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