Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
