we're blogging at a bar
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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