Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
